Running on Empty

"I don't know when that road turned, into the road I'm on

Running on, running on empty
Running on, running blind
Running on, running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe
I don't know about anyone but me
If it takes all night, that'll be all right
If I can get you to smile before I leave

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels." 

                  -Jackson Browne

                    "Running on Empty"

Tonight I'm watching old SNL episodes and I guess I never really listened to the lyrics of Jackson Browne's "Running on Empty" until I heard it on there tonight. Pretty deep. And pretty much explains how I've felt this week.  

I've been running all week. Spinning my wheels really. 

And weird things have happened. My cat has fleas (for the first time in a decade) that have somehow managed to be immune to Frontline so I've been trying natural ways to kill them all the while she continually scratches and has an ever-growing number of scabs on her ears and neck. Poor thing. 

Then the dog had to be put down. She was 18 years old and I'll just save that story for another blog on another day. Too much emotion behind that for now. 

And then there's that wonderful new job I'm still trying to turn a paler shade of green at. All I'm going to say is that for reasons beyond my control (staffing), it is rough right now. But I'm toughing it out because even though my nerves, girly hormones, and mood swings can sometimes get the best of me (and those around me, bless them), I know what I'm made of. I know I am my father's and my mother's daughter. I have a backbone of steel, and iron determination, and a will to succeed and never give up. It took me 37 years to figure out that I am not a quitter. And though I won't let anything or anyone get the best of me, I WONT give up. Just not in my psyche anymore. Used to be. But not now. 

So given the bad day I had. Scratch that. Every day is a good day because it's a day I'm alive (forgive the Pollyanna moment there). But it was a grueling 10 hour day. Wait. Scratch that again. My day began at midnight last night. So we will just say...it's been rough. Trying, hectic, busy and just rough. But that led me to the wine. And the SNL. And then the Jackson Browne song. And it really does fit my life right now. 

So I just wanted to share the clip from the song that really spoke to me.  Maybe there's someone else out there that has also disregarded the meaning of this song because-like me-they grew up hearing it so many times at such a young age, they really didn't have the vocabulary to interpret the words and the melody just didn't appeal to them enough back then for them to carry it into adulthood like some of the other great songs of the Seventies. 

And then I'm sure there are plenty of people who have always loved the song whether it be for the melody or the meaning. 

But I'm glad I can find a new appreciation for this old gem. I hope you can too. :)

Peace and love always (and a little throwback nostalgia),

Deborah