Time

A couple of years ago, when I was finishing up my bachelor's degree, I felt like I was going through the worst year of my life.  "This will be my year" was my motto for 2015.  And to spare all of the dark details, I will just simply say, it ended up being a worse year than the one before.

Then when the beginning of this year was drawing near, I almost began to subscribe to the thought again-that a new year meant a new beginning and my family's luck and fortune would be better.  But I didn't want to challenge karma to top the previous year, so I withheld the thought.

So a new year began and on January 1st, my Mom startled our dog awake and he bit her face very deeply and it required a middle of the night ER visit and about 21 stitches 3 layers deep.  

Now, today, January 13th, I lost a friend who was one of the most selfless, loving, giving, and kind people that anyone who was privileged to have met him knows.

It is still embedded in my mind to hope that this pattern of misfortune won't continue for the rest of the year, but then I have to stop myself.  

I am realizing that I cannot recognize time in terms of years.  It is easier to measure time by the moments that make it up.  To take each day and each event, whether good or bad, one at a time.  If last year taught me anything, it's that sometimes it seems as though it's only possible to take each moment one breath at a time.  

Right now I want to honor and remember my friend because in this moment my heart is broken that the world will not have him anymore.  

The photo below was from St. Patrick's Day a few years ago and I love it because it shows the fun loving side of Marcus.  

 

He was always the one in our group of friends to organize everything, to make sure everyone was taken care of and felt included, and that everyone made it home safely.  But he also would jump in and goof off and make sure everyone was laughing and having a good time as well.  

Cherish time because time is never guaranteed, no matter how it is measured.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there; I did not die."

                       -Mary Elizabeth Frye

May the coming days bring strength and comfort to your family.  We will still feel your presence among us Marcus.

With love to everyone who's heart is aching tonight,

Deb